One thing I’ve been focusing on in recovery and part of the inspiration for the name of this blog, is to keep things simple. However, I’ve been noticing this simple mindset is anything but.
It’s a result of the insanity of this disease and the selfishness that’s driven me so deep, but I’ve always been an overthinker, manipulator of facts and consistently looking for loopholes that would help me discover the ‘easy way out’.
Often the fleeting thoughts of ‘it’s not that bad’ or ‘look how well I’m doing’ cross my mind. Is this my disease lying to me? Is this my selfishness rearing it ugly head?
I constantly walk the line between confidence in my progress vs vulnerability to return to wear I was. Should I push my chest out? Should I keep looking over my shoulder?
The constant questions rush through my head. Am I going to enough meetings? Should I be working my steps faster? Do I call my sponsor enough? If I have a dream about drinking is that bad?
Part of the power of connection with other people in recovery is that you can ask these questions, bounce ideas off each other and that gives me peace.
But if I boil it down, I can say this. I’ve been blessed to put a stretch of sober days together. I plan to be sober today. And I’m in a way better spot than I was yesterday! And that’s simply amazing!
So, I’m not going to overthink it, I’m gonna just enjoy and keep moving forward!